so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
