We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
