i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
how drunk are you?
Several
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
