hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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