Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
