I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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