Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
