Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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