Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
