Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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