so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
