She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
