I'm eating all of the evidence.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
