I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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