Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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