god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
vagina is talking i cant
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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