Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
