jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
