people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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