oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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