I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
