if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
