I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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