so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize
