her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
