She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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