The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
