Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
