My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
