Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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