we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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