i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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