return my video game
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
