We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
