last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
