Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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