They should really pass out barf bags in church
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize