....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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