Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
