hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
