she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
