she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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