maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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