i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
