About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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