Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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