everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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