wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
