ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
