we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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