I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
