super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
