If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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