Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
