You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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