need another drink. this is the easiest way
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize