I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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