Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
high people should be assigned attendants
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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