Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize