HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
