I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
