I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
