Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
