The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
