last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
