Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
