I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
should my penis look like a turkey
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
