I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
