Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
