My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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