Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
