I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
