6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
