Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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