i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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