So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We don't watch enough power rangers
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
